I Waved the White Flag

At the beginning of 2013, I was yet again an emotional and mental mess.  I was the cause of this mess because I didn’t heed the voice of God about a relationship I thought had so much promise. I desperately desired for it to work out but it didn’t. I was sobbing to God, asking why it didn’t work out and why did I still have to wait for “him” to come along. I was hoping and wishing that something would change between us so that we could be together again.  I’ll be honest with you all…I was tired of waiting.  I wanted to strongly love a man and I wanted a man to strongly love me. I thought I knew better and I really believed I knew what I was doing. I just KNEW this was FINALLY my season, my time to be betrothed. I figured so many years had gone by so it MUST be time by now! (SN The passing of time does not guarantee you are ready for something).  So, when things fell apart, I couldn’t understand why!  I didn’t WANT to understand why. In my mind, I kept thinking “If he would’ve tried a little harder, this could’ve worked.” Yes, I was blaming him and everything was “his” fault.

On January 24, 2013, as I sat at my desk, I read a blog post by Dr. Michelle Johnson called Submit to Your Season and Be Content (see link below). At first, my pride would not allow me to believe this article could possibly be speaking to me. Then, my eyes landed on these words “In all honesty, you THINK you know where you should be, but you don’t. Really, you don’t. And when you try to squeeze the season you desire out of God, you just end up looking like a desperate maniac who gets mad at other people for ‘blocking your blessing’ or preventing you from walking in your anointing.” I read those words and conviction seized me. Y’all, I tried to fight it but it wouldn’t let go of me. Finally, I let out a sigh of surrender.  I submitted to it NOT being my time or season for a relationship. As soon as I surrendered, the Lord began to work in me immediately!

Throughout the remainder of the year, God broke me. He picked up where He left off in 2012, when He delivered me from an eighteen year soul tie. See, I was trying to rush the process by moving ahead of Him. I was the maniac woman Dr. Michelle spoke of in her post. I was attempting to interrupt this season of purification from years of defilement by pushing for a relationship that my heart was not ready for.  It has taken me almost two years to finally see I was attempting to squeeze a relationship out of something that was meant for friendship. That’s like trying to plant Spring right in the middle of Winter!   Winter has its purpose so Spring has no business interrupting! It has to wait its turn.

God later showed me being delivered from the soul tie was only the beginning. “For real God? There’s more?” Yes, there was more!  As I moved through 2013, He revealed to me just how jacked up my heart was when it came to dealing with men. Pride was in there, bitterness, anger, rejection.  These are serious issues. Now, I’m going to let you in on something.  I tried to rebel against what He showed me. I had no idea all of this was in me and I didn’t want to believe it. There were times when I still kept allowing my mind to drift back to “relationship zone.” There were other times when I got angry at this man and spoke ill of him! How dangerous and immature of me! But now, I am embracing my season of purification. I have to.  I NEED to. I was ashamed and embarrassed on the inside for going down this path AGAIN but this scripture right here let me know there is NO shame in waiting on and trusting in the Lord: Psalms 25:3Indeed, let no one who waits on You be ashamed; Let those be ashamed who deal treacherously without cause.”  GLORY!!  And for dessert, vs 20 “Keep my soul, and deliver me; Let me not be ashamed, for I put my trust in You.

Friend, it’s time you stop putting the blame on others for your failed relationships. Seriously. STOP IT!  If you look closely at all your failed relationships, you will find one common denominator—YOU! I don’t care how old you are or how young you are, you don’t know what you’re doing. But guess what? It’s okay to admit that! I had to! If you have the desire to have a relationship built on Godly principles, you have to start with Him, continue with Him and finish with Him. There is no shortcut.  Every season has an appointed time. Not one day longer, not one day shorter. However, the duration depends on how long you rebel or how quickly you submit and STAY submitted. As Michelle Stimpson said in The Wife Academy series, I want to love my husband like I’ve never been hurt.  So, as long as God needs in order to purify me, I’m submitted and committed to Him.

I cried a lot of tears last year, more than I’ve cried in a long time. However, I also prayed, fasted, read the Word and communed with God like never before. He broke me to reveal my heart and what was lying dormant on the inside of me. He knows my heart’s desire is to be a wife but He also knows that I cannot take a damaged, unprepared heart into marriage. He’s creating in me a clean heart and renewing a right spirit in me. (Psalms 51:10) I praise God for the work He continues to do in me daily. I know I will remember this season as one of the most beautiful seasons of my life. 2014 is here and I welcome her with open arms! I am excited about everything the Lord is doing in my life.

Perhaps your desire is not marriage. Maybe you have another secret petition of your heart. Whatever it is, the principles are the same. Pray. Wait for an answer. Seek His wisdom and counsel for where you are right now and what you should be doing right now. Let Him purify and prepare you. We have already wasted too much time being out of alignment with God. He’s standing by waiting to hear from you!

Let’s pray:
Lord, I lift up every reader to You today. I pray You open their eyes to see how much You love them and how much You have for them. You take pleasure in prospering them. I pray You give them clear and concise answers to their prayers. I pray they seek You diligently and obey every instruction You give them. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

Links:
Submit to Your Season and Be Content, Published January 24, 2013

Michelle Stimpson – The Wife Academy

©2014 by Tamara D. Davis
Scriptures taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc.  Used by permission. All rights reserved.

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