The Power of Communication—Never Stop Talking, Never Stop Listening

For the last four years I’ve been friends with an extraordinary woman of God. We met by way of a friend of an ex-boyfriend.  These last four years have been the most eye opening for me because  I’ve learned more about me—the good, the bad and the ugly.
Our friendship started off swift and strong with me being me and she being she! LOL  We are two people filled with the love of God in our hearts so we made no hesitation to show the love of God being that we were sisters in Christ. Two years into our friendship, a shift happened.  My flaws started showing up and a mirror was put in my face.  What I saw was my judgmental side and inability to receive love.  These two combinations were my classic defense mechanisms to protect my heart.  For two more years after that, confusion entered in and I gradually shut down.  I stopped sharing my heart because I didn’t know how to operate after being called out. I felt like I was on a spiritual surf board going up and down with each new wave hitting me.
For me, things seemed to go from bad to worse.  I got off my spiritual surf board and sat on my spiritual beach, alone and isolated.  I didn’t know what to do or say anymore.  I kept asking God to release me from this friendship but He wouldn’t.  Mixed emotions ran rampant in my soul because I didn’t know where I stood or how to operate in this friendship.  Oh yea, did I forget to mention my other problem?  I do not like to say what’s on my mind when something is bothering me, well at least not to the person. I will hold it all in for the sake of “peace” but in reality it’s a fake sense of peace.  Inner turmoil and torment are much worse than speaking from your heart with tact and love.
Bit by bit, the erosion of unspoken words worked their way into my mental palette.  A quitter’s mentality rose up in me something fierce and every day, I was looking for a reason to escape.  Weeks went by with not so much as one word uttered about what was going on with me.  The communication from my end became forced, imitated and infrequent.  All of this arose because of one issue: unspoken words and a perceived notion that my same level of friendship was no longer desired.
When it comes to encouraging people and saying kind, uplifting words I can talk all day long! But when it comes to speaking something difficult from my heart, I am not easily moved to words.  I’m thankful that God recently opened the door for yet another round of honest and heartfelt communication. God has pulled, grown and stretched me beyond what I thought I could ever attain through this friendship.  When words are left unsaid or unspoken, satan will get in and twist and pervert things like only he can. I encourage those of you reading this to seek the Lord in prayer about ANYTHING you have that has remained unsaid. Pray for Him to open the door to say what you need to say AND for Him to give you the words to say. He’ll tell you the words to say in LOVE and He will give them to you at the appointed time. Until then, do not move until He says so. What you may find out, as I did, that this person may be dealing with stuff on a real deep level and the exclusion was unintentional.
Once you get the opportunity to express what’s on your heart (and please don’t put angry words on paper or e-mail), continue to seek the Lord on how can you best support this person through this season of their life. Also ask Him what is it you are to learn about YOU during this time.  I am learning the importance of prayer and letting God answer my prayers.  I’m learning that I CANNOT depend on my feelings, my own limited wisdom or my own strength! I can only depend on what He says and His explicit instructions to me.  There is MUCH fruit for me in this season and I want the sweetness of it all!


  1. Yep, I learned this lesson also, that keeping things in to hold the peace, doesn't give the situation any peace at all ... it leads to misunderstandings and resentment. Thanks for the reminder and for your transparency ...

  2. You are very right. I am a person who has excelled in keeping stuff in but it has hurt me. I never learned how to speak my mind so now, God is teaching me how to speak up in love. Ooooh honey, it is hard!! I'm so out of comfort zone. My sister is the exact opposite! LOL She's learning to tame her tongue. So, I applaud all of us learning how to follow God's lead.


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