Ignore The Signs If You Want To! Part 1

Before you go any further, let me tell you this…YES, I am writing about another one of my relationships.  Why? Because it’s where I’ve had my greatest failures, which produced my greatest victories!  So buckle up, here we go.
“Leo” caught my eye in the summer of 2004 so I took the liberty of introducing myself to him.  He was immediately taken by my ability to carry on a decent conversation and truth be told, I admired the same thing in him.  Our first telephone conversation lasted for six hours!  Within the next seven days, we had our first date.  We visited some of my favorite places around the ‘Burg, one of which is The Pier.  As we strolled along the pier, we talked some more and grew quite comfortable around each other. I felt like I’d known him my whole life!  Not since my high school boyfriend had I felt this way about a man.    As if that eight hour date wasn’t enough, he drove over from Orlando the next day to see me again!  At that moment I knew he was a keeper and I was officially smitten. About one month after we met, we became a couple.   There were plenty of cards, flowers, surprise visits and his undivided attention! We started each day with a small devotion and often talked several times throughout the day.  We had the same sense of humor and loved watching sporting events together.  We talked of marriage because we both thought we were “the one” for each other.  I was in love! Surely, he was sent by God! Right?
There’s something about the power of ninety days.  Three months into the relationship, things began to change!  He no longer wanted us to have the title of girlfriend and boyfriend but still desired to communicate with me like we were still a couple.  If he didn’t want the title of girlfriend and boyfriend, then I’d settle for whatever HE wanted because I was in love.  I kept scrambling for answers while trying to hold on to a relationship that was slipping through my hands.  He became distant and vague when I inquired about what was going on with him.  His criticism of me increased and the attention he once lathered me with, stopped.    I felt rejected!  I was constantly asking “Baby, what can I do to make things better?” and was willing to do just about anything he said.  If you haven’t figured out by now, rejection will make you do and say some crazy stuff! 
Over the course of a year, I allowed myself to remain on “Leo’s Emotional Roller Coaster”.  Our phone conversations became sporadic but calculated in their timing.   He barely answered his calls but always called me back. His excuses no longer lined up and the fruit didn’t match the tree. In the insecure part of my mind, I still thought there was a chance to get things “back on track” but honey, we were so far off track Amtrak couldn’t find us if they wanted to.  He went from being distant to clingy back to being distant. I kept explaining away all the signs that something wasn’t right.  I even explained away an incriminating letter I found. I kept explaining the lies to my heart because my head wasn’t buying them.   I kept feeling in my spirit that something wasn’t right.  Being that he lived in Orlando and I lived here, I couldn’t “put my eyes on him” to discern anything. Finally one day, I was in my kitchen thinking about the entire situation. I asked myself this question “If another young lady came up to you and told you all that she was concerned about with this ‘guy’ she was dating, what would you tell her?”  I did this because we have a habit of giving our best advice to others.  When I answered myself, I KNEW I had to seek the Lord for help.  I asked God to show me indisputable evidence, evidence that I couldn’t talk myself out of or explain away.  Just like there’s something about the power of ninety days, there is sho’nuff power in three days!
Three days later, I checked his e-mail.  Now, I normally would not do something like this and I am not excusing my behavior. I was looking for answers and my friends know that I’m like a hound dog—when I get a scent I am going to follow that scent until I find what I’m looking for.  As I perused his e-mail I found three that did him in.  These three e-mails led me to check and cross check until I confirmed what I already felt but just too insecure to admit.  My investigation led me to discover some devastatingly shocking news. I knew I’d find something but I didn’t think I’d find what I found.  Leo was engaged to be married! 
To Be Continued…
©2011 Tamara D. Davis


  1. Wow! What a journey. It's so important to spend time with ourselves, talking with ourselves.


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