Earlier today, I was reading Proverbs 22. I got to verse 14, which says “The mouth of an immoral woman is a deep pit; He who is abhorred by the Lord will fall there.” I then checked the cross reference scripture and it lead me to Ecclesiastes 7:26, which says “And I find more bitter than death The woman whose heart is snares and nets, Whose hands are fetters. He who pleases God shall escape from her, But the sinner shall be trapped by her.” I stopped and thought about how many men I’ve run across who are either married to or are dating bitter women. It’s heart wrenching to see. I’ve seen how venom spewed from their mouths will tear down a man! Mostly when I am moved to write, it’s to encourage my sisters in their growth as women. Today, I am moved to help men who may not realize they are headed for trouble. I do not claim to be a counselor or a therapist, but I will share what I’ve learned.
1. Listen to her when she speaks. Listen to her intently! Ask God to open your ears so that you may HEAR and your eyes that you may SEE. Luke 6:45 says “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” Women are natural carriers. We give birth so we are designed to carry. What she is carrying in her heart and spirit will come out in her speech. She may not directly speak negativity to you but listen to how she speaks TO people and ABOUT people. Pay attention to her tone and how she verbally handles issues. Now, we all may have an off day or a moment of slip up. What I’m speaking about is a consistent pattern. The impostor can only hide behind the mask for so long.
2. Don’t be swayed or moved by physical appearance. I know you all tend to be visual creatures and appreciate beautiful things and beautiful women. There is nothing wrong with that. However, you must not be moved by it, meaning, her looks shouldn’t drive you or pressure you to stay in a potentially volatile situation. That's seduction and it's a destroyer. Proverbs 5:1-6 speaks of the dangers of being infatuated with the outer appearance of a woman. Spend enough time with her to see what's behind the outer beauty. An ugly heart and an ugly attitude ruins "pretty."
3. Know that you can’t change her. You are not her savior. Therefore, you cannot rescue, save or deliver her. That is not your job. If she starts to make demands of you that put you in position to be her “everything,” there will be problems. It may feel good to be needed and wanted but you were not put here to be crushed under the weight of someone else’s unresolved hurt.
Guys, I encourage you to dig into God’s word and build YOUR identity according to who God says you are. There was a time in my life when I thought that men didn’t hurt like we hurt. I’ve come to discover that this is far from the truth. Learn how you’re supposed to be treated. Learn how you’re supposed to treat women. Don’t be in a hurry to be with someone or you’ll open the door to be swallowed up in the deep abyss of confusion. Allow the Lord to lead you to a woman who will add value to your life. The Lord always adds and multiplies. He’s not into subtraction and division.
Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.